The things you learn from Dancing.

I’m procrastinating again…

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I was reading a friend’s blog and found myself envying how completely honest she could be in her writing… When you write under a pseudonym you have the liberty of saying anything you want with little impact on your daily life and probably fewer consequences. To be brutally honest (or is this a brutal description of myself?), people write because they have something to say or express, and they want to share it with the world when most won’t take the time to listen when they do it in person. So all this may lead to the easy conclusion that either you can never truly share your life story or your mind, or that blog writers who writes with no specific theme are probably sad sad people who is just craving for attention but cannot get it in the real world.

But whatever, I’m still doing it. As I told my friend, I like taking credit of my occasional odd ideas, that’s why art and writing works for me.

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Lately I have been going to fewer dance classes than before (from my highest record of 6 classes a week to 1 or 2 classes now @@). I guess it is a good thing because I have more time in my hands, I get to save up a lot of money and I come to enjoy it more … I have different priorities now, and I’m no longer using it as a drug (my father’s metaphor.).

I remember wanting to do this since form 1, after me and my geeky friends had so much fun cheerleading for our house at the swimming gala and sports day. There was this dance club in school and I watched them at awe every time they performed annually at the end of the school year. I thought “alright I’ll try that club out when I slim down” but then forgot all about it.

Until form six, when I had so much in my hands already (the student union, slipping grades, the fact that taking up a-level art amounts to the same workload of two a-levels), I decided to give it a shot. I don’t exactly know why, but I recall that particular morning waking up and thought “if I don’t do this now, I won’t, ever”. I told Tannessa this and it so happens she tried taking lessons the last summer and she could take me to the studio she goes to. She accompanied me for a class or two, but because of her also busy schedule, I was on my own. It first started off with one class per fortnight. Then gradually it was one class per week… and now here I am, always feeling restless for my next class.

There are some surprisingly things I’ve come to learn from my time in the dance studio. First was the popular perception of “teachers”. I think most of us see those who teach us as “Teachers” and that we half expect them to be mature or at the very least be a decent person. Even thought I’m perfectly aware that it’s not necessarily true, subconsciously looking up to someone who teaches you is normal and it is difficult to make it absolutely clear to yourself that these are just regular people when you only see or interact with them at their forte.

Another note is for those like me, up to this point of life “teachers” have been more or less those in schools who in some way or another deserved my respect, and has taught me more than the required text. So naturally you perceive those who teach would share these similarities. In the dance studio, that apparently is not the case. Not that I used to believe in whatever my teachers say without asking loads of questions, but I see so many people around me falling into this trap.

I became aware that anyone could be a teacher and they certainly don’t have to pass any morality test. Especially in this dance studio you have to really understand that most of the time the relationship between instructors and students is just a commercial provider-client relationship, not a teacher-student relationship you experienced in school (Unless you are talented or attractive or whatever, still a whole different relationship). They don’t have to care whether you do well or not and they don’t have to be sincere. So ultimately you must rely on your own judgment whenever anyone gives you comments and advice, especially those you admire for their talent and are naturally inclined to trust their opinions.

Second, I’ve learnt how to not treat everything so seriously. I don’t show it often but I am a very competitive person; I compare myself with almost everyone and I always want to be better even though I understand it’s impossible for someone to be good at everything. In dance, your performance is not directly proportional with time and effort. The longer I went to classes, the more pressure I had on myself because people who started were doing a lot better than I did… it did drive me to improve but I knew it shouldn’t affect me so much and I shouldn’t be thinking “oh I should have done better this way or that way” every single time the music stops.

It slowly dawn to me that dancing is just a recreational hobby of mine and it should be a way for me to relax, not stress over; I should be having fun and probably fun only. Understandably you want to do well in something you like, but you also have to learn who you should compare yourself with, and the importance of looking back and see where you were at the beginning and see how you yourself have progressed. One of my instructors said I lost that competitive streak I used to have, so that’s why I’m progressing slower than my peers. I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing anymore.

There are so much other things I got to think about, like individuality expressed with fashion (the fact that they think they are expressing individuality and good fashion sense when I, hmm really won’t like to comment on that), how to approach and interact with all sorts of different people; how to deal with stuck up people, being in an environment and surrounded by people you don’t identify with, the dynamics between “friends”, how aggressive, inconsiderate and impolite people can be…

Yesterday I looked at myself in front of the mirror while waiting for class to start. I really liked it that I don’t look nor act like a dancer because I love shocking people who think they Know my Type; It sometimes surprises me even when just a few seconds before the choreography starts I’m still this quiet together young lady (don’t laugh) and then I Move. Regardless of me doing it well or not, I still marvel the fact that this girl who dares to stand in front of the mirror dancing with a room full of “cool people”, is me @@. I also love that I get to let that other side of me out regularly, because frankly I don’t get to do that in normal life. If having a full time job later doesn’t make me too exhausted, I guess I won’t be stopping anytime soon.

A Visit

Oh so now I can’t even write a coherent and decent passage now?

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On Sunday I went to the cemetery with my mom, grandma and uncle. Quite unfortunately it is the time of the month Again, and my knees were so weak I could barely stand. I had to keep myself pacing, careful not to put balance on one specific leg.

There’s so much you get to see and think just from a visit to the graveyard.

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I kept wandering around, looking at my grandfather’s neighbors gravestones. There were so many different people, of different ages and background. The more I looked around, the sadder I felt and eventually had to pray for all these people.

There were gravestones with pictures of young ladies, passed away in their mid thirties; pictures of young men, 16 to 20 years old; pictures of just children, a six-year-old boy and girl; there were gravestones without year of birth and death, with a baby picture on the stone…

Some had two pictures on them. A lot of them were elderly couples, a few were two guys (relatively young), some of the graves do state out their relationships, some don’t, which allows viewer’s imagination go “wild” (I wonder why there aren’t gravestones with two Women photos@@). I remembered one in particular, of a young girl and a man in his late thirties or mid forties. They were father and daughter. The young girl died when she was six or seven years old, and the father also passed away within a decade. Was it out of money issues that he shared a space with his daughter? Or was it out of love?

All those young people, I remembered at their age “death” was not something I thought about happening to me. I thought of their parents, how sad, how angry they would be because no one would expect their children to live a life so short. I had to pray, because the sadness I felt for them and their family.

To think, that everyday there’s someone taking their own lives; those who doesn’t treasure their life.

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Usually I don’t go see my deceased grandparents. My father certainly doesn’t expect me to. His side of the family does it out of tradition and respect. Ever since we’ve got older and went to secondary school, no one expects or even asks “the kids” to go. It would be a waste of time, as my father would say. Unlike a lot of fellow Christians, I have nothing against these visiting graves and paying their respects in a Chinese way. I do not find preparing food for the dead, buying fresh fruit and flowers, burning incenses and candles, bowing and “talking” to the deceased “Evil” or “Devil Worshipping”. To me, it’s just all about respect. You pay your respects towards the people who helped brought you to the world. Every customs and culture deserves to be respected.

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Like looking at the different ways my grandparents were buried kind of indicates which side of my family is richer @@. My grandparents from my father’s side have a whole grave (with coffin place) to themselves, which, considering how expensive land could be in Hong Kong, should be pretty expensive. My grandfather from my mom’s side was cremated and had the space of a tiny cubical. My guess is that people from that generation wouldn’t have given thought of the environment or urban land usage yet @@.

Just another random subject: Hong Kong Teenagers

Oh there’s so much to talk about HK teens today. I came across a news article.

http://hk.news.yahoo.com/article/080827/3/7x2y.html

I’m afraid it’s in Chinese but the short story is this: It mentions a 19 year old guy, who slapped his grandmother on her thighs and breasts several times with his slipper, because she accidentally blocked his view of the TV screen. Even in court when the judge asked him why he didn’t hit himself instead, the teenager just smiled and didn’t answer. After the jury, the teenager walked out with his mother, talking and laughing.

Nineteen; at the age of nineteen HK teenagers are suppose to be either on their way to university or have already joined the work force. The whole news story was almost a joke, but it’s nothing funny to know that someone who should be mature enough to know better, would treat others with such lack of respect (not to mention his own grandparents) and have such poor judgment on one’s own action. How did HK society come up with a way to raise a child to turn out like that beats me.

Are the majority of Hong Kong teenagers turning into immature materialistic brats? On the streets, we see school children walking around, with their expensive brand name school bags and all. I’m willing to place my bet that half these school children can’t really afford to buy all that stuff if it weren’t for their hard working parents, whom felt they have no better way to express their love and care than to use tangible items. It’s a wild guess, but I’m also willing to bet that these children aren’t doing really well in school. I’m a strong believer that failing in school doesn’t mean failing in life, but if you add “immaturity” into the equation, it’s obvious that they’re going to have a hard time supporting themselves to get the lifestyle they’ve become accustomed to. It’s probably going to be a growing trend that parents will work harder and retire later just to financially support their grown up offspring.

Then we hear so many cases of secondary school girls and boys (in some cases, primary school children) being prostitutes for the extra allowance. Some of them were tricked into the industry and were controlled by organizations [Note: Organizations of such is illegal in HK. It is only legal in HK to offer sex services if the person is of age and is “self employed”]. In a city like Hong Kong, there are so many subsidies and other financial aid from the government. I’m not saying that the government is always efficient, but there isn’t a strong reason for someone to turn to prostitution.

This doesn’t only reflect the materialism penetrated into the hearts of HK youth, but also the lack of education when it comes to sex. Girls as young as 11 are having sex. I remembered another news article I read on an 11 year old girl who didn’t realize she was pregnant until she actually gave birth. So the question was how could she not know she was pregnant? Surely she would know, even she didn’t have the morning sickness and the works? It was all because when she started to have sex, she didn’t even had her first period, so she and her partner didn’t use any protection. The problem is, there’s no one teaching kids today when should they ever have sex; what age, in what situation. You can’t tell them they have to Wait until they gave their wedding vows. They think it’s a fair deal: I give you sex in the exchange for your money or love.

And then there are always those cocky university students, especially those from a certain local school (unfortunately they are my fellow schoolmates). Once I’ve been to a public event for university students and there was a question and answer section. The host asked us to give out our names before asking a question, so that they could address us properly. The first girl chosen to raise a question said “Hi I’m Gloria Li, and I’m from HKU” in the haughtiest voice. I was immediately embarrassed and actually said “what the fuck” to my friend next to me. For someone who is supposed to be one of the brightest people and got a place in the “best” school in the city would know better than to flaunt.

And what’s with the idea of local students having a harder time to get to a university when compared with international school students? The local exams HKCEE and HKAL are sufficiently stiffer exams when compared with IB or GCSE. The irony is that the average hardworking local students might not get to a university whilst mediocre international school students have the same bargaining power with the brighter group of local students. The same person may have an E in HKCEE math exam could actually get a B or even an A in GCSE. It’s just not fair.

In traditional Chinese culture, Modesty has always been a much valued virtue. HK’s education had never made any Real effort into teaching school children how to become a better person. Now HK people are catching up with their international counterparts in terms of moral deterioration. For a place like Hong Kong, where east culture blends with the west, why is that we learn only the worse instead of the best?

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Argh, I give up. I’m babbling; I know nothing about Hong Kong.

By far the Weirdest and Worst.

It was so fun to rehearse with you guys, but it is high time to get us a name…

 

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This entry is not going to be coherent…

 

I was seriously pissed off in yesterday’s class because of a girl and her friends. They recently start going back to lessons again. It always surprised me how unpopular the girl was. To make it easier to point her out but not naming any names, I’m call her The FUG – The Fucked Up Girl.

The FUG and friends are:

1. Noisy in class. They always talk loudly when the instructor is telling us what to do @@. Talk about no respect.

2. Not being fun-noisy, but annoying-noisy. Laughing when No one else is and No One Knows what they are laughing about. They were obviously either laughing at the steps or laughing at people… it Intimidates new students.

I know that Jojo and I and maybe a few of our friends may also be noisy, but we don’t talk when the instructor’s talking; people know why we’re laughing because we’re relaxed, we messed up with the routine, we do or say something funny and say it loud enough not to disturb the instructor but allow others to join in.

3. They keep on taking other people’s places…

4. The FUG, she keeps on standing really close to me. She wanted to be closer with the instructor, but she didn’t have the guts to stand right next to him.

 

Since Hate is such a strong word, and I already literally Hate one person (at least I only remember One @@, but like any normal girl, I dislike a healthy amount of people.), I can sincerely say that I don’t hate her, but I Despise her.

 

Okay, so maybe there isn’t too much a difference between Hate and Despise.

 

Coming back to what I was saying, on Friday she was literally next to me I had to fight the urge to hit her on the face (but not because I’m a violent person, but to do the routine properly I Need Space. Because it was she who was “trespassing my territory” I didn’t think I should be the one to move. And if I Move I would Leave the Room.

 

Anyway, being a honest person, I had “pissed off” written all over my face. I didn’t even try to do the routine or remember the routine. When the three are together, they reminded how bad I was in dancing, and how insecure I was.

 

I don’t know how to express all this… quite possibly what pissed me off most is that the instructor did Nothing to Stop her, most likely because They Are An Item.

 

After Everything:

I had dinner with Jojo, Frankie, Joey, Katy, ManC and two others guys… and again realize how unpopular The FUG and her friends are. Joey and ManC were so noisy in the restaurant @@. Then the crew went to Kowloon Park to learn the routine Jojo had come up with. Great time~

 

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On Saturday, the instructor ignored me because of my attitude. So I was like “Great. Fine with me”. I didn’t talk or smile during lesson. Jojo was doing a “better” job than I by sulking. Basically during the whole lesson, no one talked, no one smiled, no one counted out loud when we were asked to. The atmosphere was so weird…

 

Then almost near the end of the lesson, we were sided into two groups. After each group had danced the instructor asked some of the better dancers to come out to dance again. After that the instructor asked us to continue to dance as a whole class, but no one got up… it was so shocking… and it happened a second time. Finally the instructor snapped.

 

A few times Jojo just stood there, and when it was time to record the whole class, I obviously (to me) messed up the routine (hopefully not on purpose… I’m not really sure). The instructor asked his girlfriend (The FUG) to record. I sense a bit of revulsion from most of the people in the class (!!!!).The FUG pulled a chair and stood on it to record. The instructor specifically asked if she could be able to record him (first row, center) and she said yes.

 

Then after the lesson (instructor seriously angry, Jojo said he was in a bad mood from the start), The FUG said the Frankie (a really tall guy) that he blocked her from shooting the instructor. We were all shocked by her cheek. I mean, everyone was thinking “You should be the one to adjust”. This lesson is by far the Weirdest and Worst (maybe counting the lesson on Friday too) I’ve been to.

 

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We (the crew minus Joey and Franko) went to have drink. I’ve learnt that we were all so disappointed or hurt by the instructor at some point. We’ve lost all respect and loyalty for him (for many reasons). We were all talking about not going to his class… It’s just so sad that all of us at one time see him as a great teacher, almost an inspiration for us to keep on dancing. He hurt us in different ways… It’s just so sad….