My observations years ago, on how (young) girls fall for someone
After my phone conversation with Phyllis yesterday, I hung up thinking how I could forget such a big part of myself, that I always observed and analyzed people. I guess I’ve just got so used to it, and without the chance to spend a large portion of the day with the same group of “subjects” everyday, I forgot I do that and subconsciously study “myself” instead. Now I know I’m not narcissistic but just in need for human subjects to fixate on… (maybe I should go to the studio more often…)
There are several flaws/problems to my current approach. First, I found this to be one of the reasons I felt/am more of an observer than a living being. Second, I’m assuming my sequence of thoughts, the good and evil inside me etc represents the general public. But the second statement is almost a direct contradiction of the first, as how can a third person accurately knows what a first person is feeling or thinking about?
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Back in high school I had a few theories about the dynamics of girls falling for people. I never really understood how girls can tell if a certain person is into them. When I ask how they knew, it’s either they’ve caught him looking at their direction a couple of times, shared a conversation that lasted more than two sentences, or a classic: they just felt it… in the end teaching me never to believe in my supposedly accurate “woman’s sixth sense”.
Just a note: the following only works when 1. the girl does not notice such processes herself, 2. both parties are stuck in a fixed environment and are exposed to each other from time to time, like a classroom, and 3. the people who exist in their surroundings are somewhat fixed.
Friends having the same crush on someone
Similar taste may not be the sole reason why a girl falls for the same guy her friend had her eyes on. I’ve witnessed friends falling for the same person a few times, and gradually deduced some sort of a process to make sense out of such development.
Process:
1. Girl tells Friend she likes Guy
2. Friend either asks why, or jumps to Step 4.
3. Girl tells Friend why, e.g. the good qualities of Guy, or the things he did (the looks, the way he talks to her… etc)
4. Friend observes, pays more attention to Guy.
Outcome:
As Girl has mentioned his qualities, they resonate in Friend’s mind, making them easier to notice and adding the “similar taste” factor to the equation, a crush is formed (This works almost 100% if a girl still keeps a shopping list of qualities they look for in a guy).
The thing you don’t want to happen when you like someone might actually help…
If a guy wants a girl to like him, and if he’s not too painful to look at or be with (and the girl isn’t a snob), have healthy social networks (so he doesn’t get teased to death literally), chances are spreading a rumor that he likes her can increase his chances of being with her.
Process:
1. Rumor spreads and plants ideas into Girl’s head.
2. Girl, if not immediately repulsed by Guy or rumors, starts secretly observing and paying attention to Guy, looking for signs to see if the rumors are true.
Outcome:
Unless Guy is a complete moron, Girl will notice his good qualities. If Guy has showed sufficient signs to support the rumor (like sharing a two-sentence conversation more than once)… in time Girl would developed enough interest to guarantee Guy an almost 75% success rate to get her. Add another girl in the picture right at the midst of the process, and the success rate hits 85%.
“Inertia”
Ultimately most people like getting attention, up to a point where they get the affirmation that they are special. Making phone calls persistently is actually a very efficient way to get a girl (especially if she hasn’t paid attention to the guy before), but not necessarily because of the amount of communication nor level of understanding achieved. The seemingly harmless action is actually pretty fatal.
Process:
1. Guy calls Girl the first time for some tiny favor. Girl taken back but doesn’t read into it too much.
2. Guy starts calling everyday and slowly moving on to simple conversation. Girl thinks it’s odd but she liked the attention and enjoyed the conversations so that’s fine. Conversation gradually grows longer and with more actual content.
3. Calls begin to cease eventually after a month or two; Guy calls only every four days. Girl notices but doesn’t say anything. She attempts to call Guy but he tells her he can’t talk right now.
4. Calls stop. Girl starts feeling down because she’s got used to talking to Guy, begins to think maybe Guy finds her not that special after all and has moved on.
Outcome:
This is the point where Girl is most confused, self doubting and vulnerable; again Guy’s chance of getting the girl is greatly enhanced.
The calls are somewhat more about getting the girl being used to the guy’s presence in her life; accustomed to some habits that includes him and the daily doze of attention … the “inertia” effect creates an illusion in the girl’s mind, so when the calls stop coming, she may interpret the emotions she was going through as her liking Guy unknowingly. What she doesn’t know is most possibly she only misses the calls/attention/habit, and any guy doing the same thing would probably have the same effect (or the variation has more to do with the guy’s “skills”…).
My Conclusion?
You would have thought that the three ideas I came up with probably wouldn’t have worked when girls get older. But then maturity does not necessarily grow with age.
(There are actually a few more “theories’’, but I guess I will leave them for another day… really should shorten my writing…)
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Telling this all to Jack during our tutoring session amused him to no end. He asked why I looked into such simple happenings in such depth back then. I told him I don’t do that on purpose, but maybe I’m just good at noticing patterns.
(What am I feeding into his head? Murders, religions cults, cultural studies, social problems, movies, language… everything that isn’t Math… =__=)
