Wait for You – Ch. 5 (final chapter)

By Jennifer Mercury L.

****************************************

5. I don’t know if I’m capable of letting go…

“I do remember saying that you can come visit whenever you want,” said Matt scratching his head as he let her in, overcoming the shock of seeing Ness at his hotel room in the middle of the night. “How do you know exactly where I was staying?”

“I’ve got you your discount, implying that I’ve got my connections.” Ness said, throwing her small traveler bag at the couch. “I’m sorry for coming over unannounced, but I have this impulsive but pressing question to ask you, and it has to be in person…”

********

“It’s freaking ridiculous, the way you’re acting.” Chris said, eyeing at her brother’s sorry state after three nights of heavy partying. When she only got a muffled grunt as a reply, she progressed to sitting on his stomach and it knocked the wind out of him.  

“Get off.” Joe murmured, trying to toss and shake her off, but Chris just climbed back and sat on him again, disgusted at the stink of alcohol.

“Wake up. We’re short staffed at the cafe. If you can stay up all night, you can stay up all day. What is wrong with you people? All I’ve been gone for a month or two, and now Ness has gone crazy; you here are re-embracing college life.”

“Go to work, whatever.” Joe groaned. “You might act like ten, but you don’t weight like one. Leave me alone.”

At least he’s sober, Chris thought with relief and immediately she fell off again. For a short moment Joe thought she left, only to be utterly disappointed when she jumped on him again very soon.

“Believe me, I’d love to leave you alone if it weren’t because we share the same blood. Yours kept calling mine to stop you from abusing it.” Chris explained solemnly, biting into an apple she grabbed at her quick trip to the kitchen.

 

“You are a pain on the neck. Just let me sleep…” growled Joe grouchily.

“What’s up with you? Are you grieving?” mocked Chris. She was taken back when she got no reply.

“You Are grieving!” she exclaimed, amazed and almost happily.

“You’re crazy.” Joe quickly dismissed her statement.

“Denial, check!”

“Cut it out!”

“There goes Anger…”

“Okay I’m up, I’m up!” said Joe as he sat up, very much annoyed. “Quit pestering!”

“And here comes Bargaining.” Joe glared at her, tired of his little sister and wishing she would disappear as Chris looked at him with exasperating interest.

“I’m seeing hints of Depression on your face…”

“Alright I give up! I’ll go work at your stupid restaurant.” Joe grumbled as he shoveled her away to go to shower. “And don’t you dare continue” he hollered just when Chris was about to finish crossing out her imaginary list.

“Then quit being so textbook.” She quickly retorted.

“So…” Chris began after awhile when Joe was in the bathroom. “is this because of Ness?”

“No, because you’re back.” Joe said sarcastically, rubbing soap all over himself furiously to wash off the smell.

“But… you don’t do that.” said Chris, puzzled.

“She broke up with me; I’m just acting like any normal person would when someone drops the bombshell at them.”

“That’s what I mean, you don’t do that. You’re like this rubber ball bouncing from one relationship to another like it’s no big deal.”

“Not sure I’m liking this analogy here.” Joe said skeptically, getting out of the shower.

“I think I just never believe you would really care for Ness in that way. To be honest, I’ve always thought of you as this superficial bastard.” Chris said with a sweet smile as Joe walked out of the bathroom.

“Thank you very much, Chris.” He said sardonically. “I’m just trying to get her out of my system before she comes back, if she ever does, since she’s so determined to draw the line between us that she ran off.”

“She didn’t run off because of you; she ran off because of Matt.”

“Yep, that made my day; you’re such an angel.” Joe said, wondering for the fiftieth time what had he done to piss God off to land with Chris as a sister. Chris rolled her eyes. She ran into her room but quickly returned.

“Here.” She said as she shoved a piece of paper at him. “Read it. I’ve saved you from the more graphical details because frankly, you don’t need to go down that memory lane again. Anyway I’m late, so if you don’t come down in ten minutes I’ll drag you down.” and with that Chris took off, leaving Joe with some peace and quiet.

******

Even though I had a few days to “cool down”, the things that were going on in my head whenever I saw Joe were, needless to say, horrid. I was searching through my mind, trying to find what I’ve done wrong, to recall if I had in any way tricked him or forced him into being in a “relationship”.

 

There was a point where I wondered if I was too selfish or insensitive to see that while I had unknowingly waited life to present itself in a way to say “this is it, go for it” with Joe, he was probably doing the exact same thing for Annie.

 

It led me to think about Matt; about his forever patience, tolerance and understanding of everything I do… I wonder how twisted it would be, if it turns out that Matt was waiting for me, I for Joe, and Joe for Annie… (I know this is Stupid, but I just can’t help trying to connect the dots in some way, making sense of it)

 

I’ve decided, since I may be in the position of making someone else happy in this mess, I might just as well since I apparently am not cut out for it.

 

Maybe we all are just waiting for someone… Been there, done that; so now I’m okay to go on forward with my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You remember what time the café opens, right?

 

Ness

 

 

 

“The idiot.” said Joe, dashing out of the apartment.

******

“Where is she now?” Joe determined from his sister at the café, less than five minutes later.

“Now? As of this moment I think she and Matt are walking down the aisle.” began Chris, pretending to look at her watch. Joe was not amused.

“I’m serious. Tell me where she is.”

“So you’ll do what, stop her from marrying him? Because she’s the love of your life, or you’re the love of Her life?” Chris said scornfully. “You’re just going to mess with her head all over again.”

“I… I don’t know.” said Joe, stuttering a little. “But what should I do, just let her be with someone else?”

“As long as I haven’t received an invitation, you don’t have to worry about that yet.” Chris said more kindly, taking in how distressed Joe was. “She is going to come back one day, not for you but for the café at least. I think you should just let her decide, on her own terms, on what she sincerely wants to do.”

“And give Matt the green light to win her over?” Joe asked and watched Chris pondering over her answer.

“I think, and this is only what I think,” she offered cautiously, not particularly wanting to meddle into her brother and her friend’s life, “is that if he does win her over, you have only yourself to blame because you had that chance before but you blew it. So for Ness’ sake, maybe you should give her some space until she’s ready to face you again; maybe all you can do now, is Wait for her.”

********************************

Matt patiently listened while Ness tried to tell him what have happened and posed her question.

“I can’t really tell if I am waiting for you because I never thought about it that way.” He began slowly. “Obviously you make me very happy, or else I wouldn’t have thought about getting married. Thing is, when I popped the question I sincerely meant to make you the happiest you can ever be, but I saw for myself that I can’t make that happen.”

“Some people can only feel to a certain level of intensity and they can’t go beyond that. I originally thought, because of our mild take of everything big or small, your capacity of feeling or happiness is similar to mine. But I was wrong. You were waiting for a stimulus; someone that excites you in some way or to bring joy to every simplest thing you see.”

“I don’t think you know what you want yet because I don’t believe you had the opportunity to look into this levelheadedly, even though you might act like it. The wound is still fresh, so all you can fixate on now is the hurt. But it would become another distant memory eventually and you’ll recover. No matter what, you can always stand up and move on if you want to.”

“You have brought me the greatest happiness I have ever experienced, but I can’t do the same for you. I don’t think I am waiting for you; or at the very least I hope not, because that would be, as you said, ‘twisted’.” Matt concluded with a grimace.

“It doesn’t even have to be with Joe, but when you’ve felt pure bliss, you can’t go back to mediocrity. Just make sure you know what you’re swearing off so you won’t look back and be sorry.”

********************************

After the talk with Matt, Ness decided to let go of things and travel a bit, since she has left everything on hold anyways. She didn’t know when she would go face her old life again; didn’t how to deal with Joe but it didn’t really matter anymore because as long as she finds out what she wanted ultimately, with nothing to affect her judgement, it was enough.

Chris kept her brother busy by having him working around the café every day from morning till late. Even thought Joe had not meant to follow his sister’s advice, trying to only focus on his music and the café, every now and then he catches himself staring out of the window as if he was looking for something; each time the bell rang he would immediately look up, only to find his face fall as he saw it was just another customer; during the nights when he was done at the bar, he heads straight back to the apartment, subconsciously not letting any precious slip pass unnoticed.

Epilogue

Ness made her way through the crowd, couldn’t remember a time when the bar was as packed as tonight. She could hardly make it to the counter if it weren’t for Dave the bartender, who spotted her and helped Ness grab a seat, saving her from the humiliation of being completely lost in her own restaurant/bar.   

“Where’s everyone?” Ness asked, looking around for Chris and Joe. She had missed them so dearly after being away for a few weeks\ exploring and visiting family and friends. She didn’t know how Chris could stay away from home for so long.

“Chris is probably upstairs dead as a log, Joe’s right over there, preparing his music.” Dave said. “Can you believe this crowd?”

“I really can’t.” said Ness, impressed. “I’ll pass along to Chris that you deserve a good raise.” Dave laughed.

“Much as I would like to take responsible for making this happen, I didn’t, not by a long shot. They are all here for Joe.”

“I always thought Chris had a better mind for business.” said Ness, shocked.

“All I can say, you’re in for a big surprise.” Dave replied knowingly.

*******

Joe was doing music requests at the middle of the floor. Like a lost soul, he played the piano numbly song after song. After the last request from the audience and a few polite clapping, she watched him continue to sit there by the piano, lightly touching the keys, preoccupied.

Joe could hear the busy chatting and the small laughs; the bar was so crowded but just then he couldn’t remember a moment when he felt more alone. He took a deep breath and began to play again. The bar grew quiet as he heart-brokenly sang:

I never felt nothing in the world like this before.
Now I’m missing you,
& I’m wishing that you would come back through my door.
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know.
So now I’m all alone.

 
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldn’t give me a chance.
With you not around it’s a little bit more than I can stand
And all my tears they… keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I’m fine it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I’ll wait for you

It’s been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can’t do it baby
What will it take to make you come back?
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain’t like that
Why can’t you look at me; you’re still in love with me
Don’t leave me crying.

Baby why can’t we just, just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you’re telling me it won’t be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I’m fine it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I’ll wait for you

I’ll Be Waiting.

As the melody ended, the crowd gave a huge round of applause. Out of habit, Joe looked at the stool where Ness always sat. He felt a sudden adrenaline rush when he recognized the familiar face. Their eyes met and as the crowd went back to their own conversation and drink, Joe walked slowly towards Ness, her face betraying no emotion. No one spoke for a moment, as if there was so much to say but they didn’t know where to start.

“I heard there would be singing.” Ness attempted jokingly, but came out more of a croak, her throat so tight as if she was ready to burst into tears any moment now. “Told you ages ago you should sing.”

“I guess I just needed a little push to realize some things.” Joe said, slightly confused. He had been waiting for this moment for so long that when it’s finally here, he was unsure of what to do.  

“Why?” Ness croaked eventually, unable to elaborate.

“The song? It was the only thing I could think of while you were gone.” Joe said, engulfed with sudden exhaustion. “I thought of what you’ve said. I know there is nothing I can do to change how you think. When you’ve left I thought I should take this time to get over you but not only did it not work, I found myself waiting for you to come back.”

“I’m not saying we’re going to be together forever. Hell I don’t know if we can stand each other for a whole year. What I know for sure, is that right now I can’t bear life without you and that I can not just let you go. No matter how long it takes to have you back, I’d wait. I want to make us work.”

Ness let out a sob and tears began to fall. Joe pulled her over and hugged her, still not truly comprehending the fact that she was there.

“I am petrified… these feelings, these intense feelings…” Ness said in between sobs, and found continuing what she had to say difficult as everything she had ever felt for him came rushing through all at once.

“I know…” said Joe, holding her tightly in his arms.

“I’ve never let myself be so vulnerable; I held my guard up for so long, I don’t know if I’m capable of letting go…” Ness murmured, realizing it was easier if she looked down and talked to the shadow on his chest.

“I know, I know… It’s okay as long as you’re here.” Joe cooed, kissing Ness on the forehead. “I can wait.” Ness gave a small smile and returned the embrace, resting her head on him. Joe gave a content sigh.

Then he had a tiny grin on his face.

“Also very important is that Chris’s driving me nuts. She’s forcing me to work in the café and it’s chaos without you. When can you start working again?”

- End -

Wait For You – Ch. 4

By Jennifer Mercury L.

****************************************

4.

Maybe we all are just waiting for someone… Been there, done that; so now I’m okay to go on forward with my life.

Joe couldn’t sleep, though he wasn’t exactly sure what was bothering him; so much were going on in his head he couldn’t hold on to any of them to give it proper attention.

He didn’t realize it was morning until he heard Ness coming out of her room to make breakfast. It didn’t seem that long ago since she came back home last night, when he was hiding in his room, not yet comfortable enough to face her. After Annie left he quickly tidied up the mess in the living room, thankful that Ness wasn’t around to witness it.

He lay still in bed, listening to the sounds she made at the kitchen and took comfort at the normality. It occurred to Joe that he should count himself lucky to being able to stop just in time before allowing anything happen last night because he wasn’t sure he was ready to give up life with Ness just yet. With that in mind, gradually he fell into the deep slumber he was deprived from all night.

*****

Ness couldn’t sleep though she didn’t know why; her head blanked out all thoughts since she left the apartment last night. She was in a trance as she drifted along the streets, letting her feet led the way. She was slightly amazed to find herself in front of the wholesale market she used to visit every day before the new hire took over. But it was so far away she used to take a bus to get there.

The market was just next to the pier. The whole area was deserted and dark at night, which was the sort of deadly quietness she welcomed. She went to sit at the docks and stared at the sea, letting the cold hard wind hit her face because the cold somehow helped numb whatever she was feeling.

Ness didn’t know how long she sat there nor why she was there, since from her understanding, her brain wasn’t functioning at all. But suddenly she had a conclusion, as if she had been looking for one all this time. Ness stood up and for a moment she wasn’t sure how she got there, but quickly pulled herself together and walked back home, oblivious of how dangerous it was to be on the quiet streets so late at night.

A few hours later, while making coffee she decided it was best to act as if nothing had happened until she was sure she could stick to her decision. Despite that, she was secretly praying for Joe not to come out from his room while she forced down her coffee and toast because she didn’t want to face him alone until she was absolutely determined.

************

Joe sensed that Ness was distant and had something going on in her mind these few days. They hadn’t spend anytime together alone and he found himself missing her. However he thought it was better to let her find him when she was ready. So when Ness asked if he was free to grab a quick dinner before he had to work at the bar, he almost pounced on the invite.

“So how you’ve been? It seems such a long time since I’ve last saw you properly.” said Joe warmly, breaking the silence shortly after they gave their order and no one spoke.

“It’s just been two days, I think.” Ness replied with a slightly exhausted air around her. “There’s something I’ve been thinking for awhile…” She paused, and Joe looked at her inquisitively. Ness took a deep breath and looked at Joe in the eye.

“I want to break up with you. I think I’m ready to get over you.”  She announced, then forced a smile. “No more favours anymore, so I guess now you’re finally free.”

“What in the world are you talking about?” Very much taken back by the turn of direction, Joe tried not to raise his voice. “’Finally free’? What do you mean?”

“Oh, to go out with Annie of course.” Ness said, trying to sound light-hearted. Joe felt as if someone has thrown a bucket of cold water at him.

“There is nothing between me and Annie.”

“I was outside of the room, Joe. The night Annie was there.” Ness calmly explained. Then it hit her. “Or was it one of many?” Blood drained from Joe’s face and he quickly defended himself.

“It was the first time she was ever there Ness, I swear. We stopped before anything could happen. I know what I did was terrible; I shouldn’t have let her up in the first place, but you have to believe me when I say that Nothing Happened, At All.” Ness was caught by surprise at this revelation, but she didn’t waver.

“It’s okay Joe. But still I think it’s time I moved on.”

“Really, nothing happened that night.” said Joe, now frustrated. “I admit we were this close to having sex but I stopped; I Stopped.”

“I believe you Joe, sincerely I do. But it has nothing to do with that night anymore. It was just a wake up call.” said Ness, trying to convince Joe that she was actually being honest. “You know when I was behind your door, the pain I felt was so real, so physically real…” she placed her hand on her chest, reminiscing the night. “as if someone was holding my heart so hard and tugging it, trying to rip it out…”

“I’m sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am, but truly…”

“And then when I had time to think things through, it came to me that I never felt that way before Ever and you’re the only one who could hurt me like that.” Ness said, speaking so softly almost as if she was talking to herself. “We’ve been together for barely a month and already I was experiencing that level of pain!? I thought about it and I don’t know how I am going to deal when things actually do happen next time… I think, with you… it’s just too risky.”

“I swear this would never happen again; I would never ever cheat on you…”

“It’s not that. It’s about you having that power to hurt me in such magnitude is something I don’t think I can deal with… and that’s the actual reason why I’m leaving.” Joe suddenly realise what she was saying between the lines.

“You’re in love with me.” exclaimed Joe, truly comprehending this information for the first time. Ness looked away and didn’t reply.

“You’re in love with me.” He repeated, his voice starting to crack. “And that’s why you’re leaving?” For a while they just sat there in silence, listening to the glasses clinking, cutlery clattering, and the people conversing gaily around them.

“It’s ironic, what I’m going to say” Joe continued slowly, not sure how to say this right. “but when you love someone, you risk getting hurt because love is suppose to be when you care so much about another person that’s so much beyond yourself, beyond any risk and control… and I feel like I’m going to get there, with you… I realised later the only reason I pulled back that night was because I didn’t want to ruin things with you, with us…”

“I’ve made up my mind.” Ness interrupted, not wanting to hear any more of what he was saying.

“Please Ness, give me another chance.” Joe pleaded in exasperation, not quite believing what Ness was throwing away. Ness looked pained but wasn’t going to budge.

“So this is what you want? Can you tell me this is honestly what you want?” Joe asked with utter disbelief.

“Yes.” Ness finally replied sadly.

“Fine.” Joe said angrily and stood up. “I guess now you finally get what you were after all along: closure.” and with that he stormed out of the restaurant.

*********************

“… so now I’m okay to go on forward with my life.” Ness typed in her email that night. She paused and looked around before continuing, choosing her concluding words carefully.

“You remember what time the café opens, right?”

*******

Foreseeing a sleepless night, Joe worked all night at the bar until he was ready to drop any second. Fortunately he slept like a log until late afternoon. After he woke up, running the night before in his head. Suddenly an idea hit him and he felt like a guy with a mission: knock some sense into Ness’ head. Not exactly sure what his game plan was going to be but just glad he had decided what his stance was, he quickly dressed, ran downstairs to the café and saw a familiar face.

“What are you doing here?” he exclaimed loudly, walking to the counter. “Days were good when you weren’t around.” Having her hands busy preparing patrons’ orders and having no chance to rest at all for the whole day, Chris was clearly not amused. The glare she gave him was strong enough to kill, if Joe hadn’t been immune to it since childhood.

“She’s gone, Joe.” Mindful of the customers around, Chris said in a civilized tone, obviously laced with suppressed anger. In case her dumbstruck brother didn’t get the whole message, she added “Ness has left, you stupid stupid git.”

Wait For You – Ch. 3

By Jennifer Mercury L.

****************************************

3. Jinxed.

Tonight I’m going to tell him, Ness suddenly decided while she was serving the day’s specials to the lunchtime crowd, about me and Joe.

It has been awhile since they’ve last mentioned the marriage proposal and they have intentionally avoided the subject ever since. So when Matt got her call which began with “hey Matt, we need to talk” he suggested they should have dinner at his place and he would pick her up.

“… then this rugged guy came up to me with a question,” Matt was saying while he was searching in his pockets for the keys to his apartment. “But all I could focus on was the hook he had for a left hand…”

“I’m going out with Joe.” Ness blurted out, unable to contain herself any longer.

“Right, okay then… So as I was saying, he kept on pushing his hook at me and… oh here they are…” Matt finally managed to produce his keys and held them out half triumphantly. Ness looked pained.

“I’m so sorry Matt… you’re such a great guy and I know you deserve much more than what I can give you…” Ness babbled on and Matt couldn’t help but wear a weak smile, knowing it was useless to argue, and gently stopped her.

“I can’t say I wasn’t expected it coming… and maybe it is all for the best…” began Matt as they went in to the dark apartment. Just when Ness was about to ask what he meant, Matt turned on the lights and she let out a small gasp.

“You’ve been robbed!” she exclaimed, all wide eyed.

“No, Ness, I’m leaving next week because you broke my heart and I never want to see you again.” Matt said casually as he walked into his empty living room. He turned to see Ness’ reaction, which began with a stare of disbelief, a portrait of a mortified girl, and the finale of her placing a hand on her waist, tilted her head and wore an enquiring expression. Matt laughed.

“I’ve been given the offer to relocate to the US, and the prospects are extremely good. The last few times I saw you, you never looked happier and I knew it wasn’t me… so, erm anyway in the end I thought I should take it. And I knew even if you’ve had said yes, you would have wanted me to take the opportunity.” He explained, concluding with a sigh. Ness went over and gave him a tight hug. Then she looked up and glared.

“When were you going to tell me?” she demanded.

“It was all in a rush actually, and I was trying to come up with a way to tell you.” Matt admitted. Trying not to sound too sour, he politely inquired about her new guy. “So, you and Joe… what’s that like?”

“For now it’s actually pretty good.”

“And the many other friends, the groupies… not bothering you?” That caused Ness to frown, mystified.

“They never really did.”

“Whatever you say.” Ness simply made a face at him as a reply.

*****

“You know what, I am going to miss you so bad.” Ness said in the middle of dinner, finally digesting the news and was feeling miserable. “And you’re leaving so soon.” Finally she gets it, thought Matt, amused.

“I know.” He said regretfully. “You can always come visit whenever you feel like it.”   

“I know.”

******************

“Hey Dave’s been looking all over for you; he’s running in late tonight so you would have to start without him…” Ness went to tell Joe when he came into the café early evening to get some music sheets he left by the piano. “Where have you been by the way? I haven’t seen you all day.”

“Oh Annie needed some help with her sink so I swung by at her place.” Joe said offhandedly, busy looking for a certain sheet.

“Oh.” Ness returned in reply, trying to rid the growing uncomfortable feeling she was experiencing. “She’s been around quite often lately.”

“Well she has lost contact with a lot of old friends so I guess she’s just trying to hold on to the few she has right now.” Joe offered with a shrug. “And she said after seeing me play for a few nights she’s thinking about taking piano classes and asked if I could give her a few lessons.” he added. Ness couldn’t think of a reply but simply gave a nod.

“I think I better go get ready if Dave isn’t here.” Joe said, glancing at the clock on the wall. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and went to set up the counter. He noticed how uncomfortable Ness was in spite of her trying to act like she wasn’t bothered, but there was nothing else he could say to make her feel better. Just because they were going out doesn’t mean he can’t see his friends anymore. She still sees Matt, so of all people, she should know.

Annie and I are just friends, Ness is sensible enough to understand that, Joe said to himself.

*********************

A week or two later, some of Ness’ high school classmates decided to get together for a small gathering at the farther part of town. So Ness told Joe not to wait for her; either she’s going to be really late, or she’s staying over at a friend’s.

With no shift that night and not particularly wanting to go out with the guys, Joe had just decided to stay in and find some way to unwind when he got Annie’s call, saying she was nearby and wanted to come over to hang. Having no plans at all for the night, Joe welcomed the idea and didn’t think of it as a big deal.

He was slightly surprised at her showing up with a whole load of booze and looking even more striking than ever, but he quickly wrote it off as a fun night with a lot of drinking and harmless flirting.

After many rounds of drinking games, more beers, watching at Annie laugh attractively to something he said made Joe wonder if he should take the chance to date Annie as he had always wanted to and he couldn’t pretend not to notice her interest in him. They were talking about something Joe couldn’t really remember but recall it to be really funny at the time, and somehow they ended up snogging.

With the tiny bit of rationality left, he could see something was going to happen. He just wasn’t sure yet if that was what he wanted but his body convinced him to go with the flow.

It was wrong, at the back of his head he knew, but his long unacquainted lust for Annie got the better of him.

******

In the midst of the heat, Joe didn’t know what got into him, but he suddenly strung up as if he was stroke by lightning. His face stared at Annie with a look of incredulity.

“What’s wrong?” asked Annie, smiling seductively and trying to pull him down.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do this.” said Joe, more to himself. He tried to get out of bed and pull up his jeans at the same time.

“I don’t think so.” Annie said in a sing-along voice, her hand lingering on his chest.

“No Annie. I’m sorry, but I think you better go.” Joe said and went into the bathroom. Soon enough he heard the door being slammed outside.

“What the heck is wrong with me? I was this close, this fuckin’ close…” he muttered half angrily half frustrated in his cold shower.

*************************

I’m such a klutz, how could I not have realised that today’s Wednesday, not Thursday? A perfectly good two hours spent on the bus! Terrific, just terrific… Ness thought, feeling extremely annoyed with her stupidity as she climbed up her apartment building.

When she got inside her apartment, Ness was quickly overthrown by uneasiness. She took in the empty cans, the unfamiliar scent in the room… even the temperature wasn’t right. Her body abruptly tensed as she heard moaning coming out from Joe’s room. Her annoyance was utterly forgotten and immediately replaced with dread.

Ness didn’t know what force took over her body when she walked towards Joe’s door. It wasn’t shut and she was about to place her hand on the door knob when she heard a female voice.

“I want you.” The voice groaned. Another voice chucked as a reply.

Ness’ head hurt her, but not as much as the ache in her chest. She stood outside the room for a few seconds before she could gather herself. Slowly she made her way out of the apartment, careful not to make a sound and softly closed the front door behind her.

There was only one word in her head when she walked out the building – Jinxed.

Wait For You – Ch. 2

By Jennifer Mercury L.

****************************************

2.

I could feel the fall. Literally I was falling. So fast that it scared me because I’ve never thought I could fall anymore deeper. For all my life I’ve learnt the higher the expectation… the greater the disappointment, the stronger the hurt; the harder the fall. I always knew when to stop but right now, I can’t. Not yet.

“Don’t you think things are going a bit too fast?” asked Joe, suddenly looking up. He was lying on the couch with his head on Ness’ lap, reading a new book.

“Oh? Why would you think that?” Ness frowned at her the expenses column from her personal book keeping diary. “I don’t recall us getting engaged yet.”

“No, I meant our non-existing sex life.” Joe answered wryly. “We’ve been acting as if we were married for years but it has only been barely a month! We’ve skipped the whole phase of going out for dates, waiting by the phone, being insecure… that sort of thing.” That caught Ness off guard and she pulled herself away from her notebook to look at him.

“Er, okay… so what should we do?”

“I don’t think we’re doing anything we haven’t been doing before… we have always enjoyed each others’ company… but you’re still more like a sister than a girlfriend… so I think we should try to actually date, if we’re going to be serious about this.”

“Sure. That’s fine with me.” Ness said, raising a brow. “I never thought it would bother you so much.”

“What can I say? I’m an old fashion guy.” Joe said with a shrug and went back to his book.

****************

The “first” date was a disaster in many ways.

Ness hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to Joe since their conversation last night because she was so busy in the café. She did get to see him, whilst he was trying to compose at the corner with the café’s piano. It appeared to Ness that there hasn’t been much progress, since his playing ends abruptly at the exact same spot every time she managed to listen to it.

It was already late afternoon when she finally had a chance to stop and lean on the wall for awhile behind the counter and watched her staff at work. Then she noticed Joe has moved to the counter and was waving a menu at her as if signaling for service. She walked towards him, puzzled.

“Wacha sign, gurl?” Joe drawled. Ness laughed.

“I guess there is no need for a better line. Slow day?”

“Yeah… Any plans tonight?”

“Not yet.”

“Hmm…” both of them fall into silence for a moment. Then Joe made a suggestion. “What about a movie? Then a bite afterwards?”

“Sure, okay. Meet you in…” Ness looked at the clock on the wall. ”Two hours?”

“Fine with me. See ya.”

Unfortunately that was already the best conversation they had that day. The walk to the movies was awkward; while holding hands for the first time, both were trying to make small talk and were not very good at it.

Then, as fate’s way to spice things up, they ran into Annie in the restaurant, the luscious brunette Joe “had the hots for” ever since high school, just when they were seated at their table. It didn’t help things when Annie was dressed and groomed in a fashion as if she was taking no prisoners while all Ness did was put on a dress she rarely wore, a few quick brushes of mascara and a hint of blush on her face. Strike one.

“Hey Joe! How nice to see you here!” greeted Annie as she came over to their table.

“Annie! What a coincidence!” said Joe half shocked, and he stood up immediately to meet Annie’s eye level. “This is Ness, my baby sister’s friend; and Ness, Annie; an old friend back in high school.” Ness wasn’t sure what to make out of the introduction.

If I had to introduce Joe, she thought to herself, should I introduce Joe as my old friend’s big brother? But she also stood up and held out her hand.

“Nice to meet you Annie; Chris and I have heard a lot about you.” Ness said with a weak smile, taking in everything properly. She finally got a glimpse of the long pair of legs she had heard so much about in the earlier days when Joe first met Annie.

“Really? How nice to meet you too.” Annie smiled graciously before she turned to Joe, overlooking the fact that she left her full back facing Ness, with her thick heavy curls shining prettily under the restaurant’s dim lights. Ness took the opportunity to grab a bunch of her own rather straight dark hair to confirm her suspicion. Yep, not shiny. Strike two.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve last seen each other, right Joe? Hey, I know this is really rude but my date has just cancelled on me and I can’t wait to catch up with you, so is it okay if I join you guys?” there was an awkward pause.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” She turned to Ness, giving her another charming smile. Ness noted Annie’s voluptuous figure.

Strike three, and you’re out! Ness thought, slightly amused by how unexpected the night was turning out to be.

“Oh no, go ahead!” she said, faking enthusiasm. Without looking at Joe, she started to study the menu, wondering if the baby ribs were any good.

**********

“So that was your idea of a real date. I see what you mean; how we’ve missed a whole phase.” said Ness more mockingly than she intended to, tossing her handbag on the couch and went to the sink to wash her hands.

“You were the one who said she could stay.” Joe retorted, taking off his coat. After Annie left, Ness sulked the whole way back home, walking in a pace fast enough to have Joe make an effort to keep up with her, while in his head he was trying to reflect what on earth he had done to piss her off. “I never said anything.”

“You didn’t need to; you were oozing of infatuation for her. I was surprised you even noticed I was there.” she said sourly.

“What’s with you?” asked Joe, more lost than angry, “You know I used to have a bit of a crush for Annie.”

 “Yea I know that all so well.” said Ness with only a hint of sarcasm. “I just thought you would keep it at bay on our first date.” Joe looked astonished but finally comprehending where Ness was coming from.

“I didn’t realize you took what I said so seriously. I’m really sorry.” He added quickly before Ness could say anything. Ness stared at him, looking as if she was ready to snap, but then gave out a tired sigh instead.

“There’s always someone in life that you can’t get over, isn’t there?” she said knowingly, trying to sound nonchalant. “Anyway, it’s no big deal. We can do this date thing some other time.” And she threw in a shrug for good measures.

“So we’re okay?” Joe pressed. Ness nodded and attempted a smile. Joe watched Ness go inside her room, getting ready to take a shower. Suddenly he had an idea. Without a second thought, he went up to her door.

“Hey are you up for ice cream?” he asked, with an apologetic but cheerful smile. Before Ness could say no, Joe grabbed her hand and dragged her downstairs, ignoring her feeble protests.

It was late and all the shops were already closed, so Joe and Ness headed to the nearest convenient store. After Joe paid for their ice cream, they stayed there and talked while polishing off their cold treat. None of them came to realization that it was probably the most private and comfortable time they have had the whole day.

“Can I have another one, please?” Ness politely inquired, trying to pull off a childish voice and an innocent smile. Joe raised an eyebrow.

“You’re going to have an upset stomach tonight.” He said disapprovingly.

“Pretty please?” Ness pleaded, almost shyly and flashed him another hopeful smile. For a moment there Joe paused and stared at Ness as if he has never seen her clearly until now. He quickly recovered.

“Are you sure you can finish it?” he asked, already giving in. Ness nodded eagerly and went to pick another favor.

“You better not be sick tomorrow.” he warned as Ness tore open the wrap and made a face at him, declaring victory. Joe watched Ness as she carefully licked the sides. He gulped. Ness noticed him staring on her ice cream.

“Do you want another one?” she asked, with a content grin, obviously happy that she got what she wanted. “You can always have another one, you know.”

“No,” said Joe, trying to sound like the adult there. “Unlike some, I practice self control.” Ness rolled her eyes in reply and concentrated on her ice cream while Joe tried to concentrate on something else.

******************

“Just to set the record straight, I don’t usually go home with someone on a first date.” Joe began when they were almost back at home.

“Sure,” said Ness, feeling full and pleased. “But if you insist I can always lock you out of the apartment tonight.” She said with a knowing smirk.

“That’s not funny. I’ve been locked out once and that’s quite enough, thank you.” Joe glanced at Ness and saw her caressing her tummy, with a satisfied look on her face. He stared at her hand.

“You’re very easy to please.”

“Yep.” Ness gave out a happy sigh.

“Oh did I say easy? I meant too easy.” Joe said softly. They were already at their door and Ness was looking for her keys when he suddenly pinned her on the wall, his arms at her waist.

“This is something for you to get really pleased about.” And he lowered his head to kiss her. Ness was initially in shock and couldn’t respond. However, given the heat aroused she quickly caught up and wrapped her arms around him. She felt as if she was falling; she could hardly support herself to stand.

“Well, you’re very full of yourself.” breathed Ness when they took a pause.

“What’s not to please?” said Joe with a slow grin and led her inside.

“Just to make things clear, I don’t sleep with someone on a first date.” Ness insisted, her feet growing weak once more as Joe began to kiss her again.

****************************************

“… I’ve always know when to stop but right now, I can’t. Not yet.”

“So,” began Chris slowly. “You’ve got some” She grinned wickedly. Ness put her head on her hand. Clearly she and Chris were not on the same page.

“Is this normal, to have such strong feelings for someone?” Ness thought out loud.

“You know what? You think too much.” Chris said, looking half bored. “You’re just starting to experience what we humans call ‘falling in lurve’.” Through the screen, Chris could see the mixed feelings crossing Ness’ face.

“But isn’t that sort of Dangerous? I mean you know Joe. He gets bored with people so easily… what if he gets tired with me or something? I would be in such a vulnerable position… but everything is going so well and he’s irresistible…” Joe, irresistible? Literally choking, Chris raised her hand to stop Ness.

“Again, you think too much. Who cares about Joe? Just enjoy yourself. Relax for just awhile; you need it. Trust me.” said Chris. She glanced at the clock. Okay, time to escape. “Hey talk to you another time?”

“Oh sure.” Ness said absentmindedly. “Bye, talk to you soon.” and she logged off. Taken back, Chris slowly turned off her computer and flipped open her travel book to decide where she wanted to visit for the day.

“Poor girl, she’s so baffled she didn’t even ask me when I was coming back.” she said to herself half amazed and began to read the descriptions.

Wait For You – Ch. 1

By Jennifer Mercury L.

For the melodies, the stories that make you ache in the heart…

Disclaimer: The storyline is based on the lyrics of Elliott Yamin’s song “Wait for you”, ghostwritten by Ne-yo. All characters are fictional and all resemblance with real life is just plain coincidence. I chose this song because the first time I’ve heard it I felt an ache inside… anyway for the record, I don’t only write romance stuff. This is a warm up piece for me to start writing something fictional again. I’ve started this story two years ago and now I’m trying to finish it.

To Kamma and Ness.

****************************************

Prologue

Every now and then Joe looks out of the window and stares at the street, as if he was looking for something;

Every time the bell at the door rings he looks up, and his face falls as he realized it was just some other person;

Every night when the bartender takes over he heads straight back to his apartment just a storey up, hoping that nothing precious would again slip pass unnoticed…

*******

1.

I never thought I would suggest such a thing, but I guess after what happened tonight I realized at the back of my mind I was still waiting, for him. Then I thought “okay, so now it’s time to get over him” but to my surprise, I didn’t want to; I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering “what if”. What I want is, to give myself a chance…

If Matt bringing her to a famously pricey restaurant all out of the blue didn’t prepare Ness to be shocked, certainly Matt’s out-of-normal edgy behavior all evening should have warned her.

“I’m thinking about the possibilities of getting married.” Matt said nervously, losing his usual cool, was visually fidgeting in his seat.

“Really?” Ness asked, giving more interest into tackling her baby ribs with her fork and knife than the conversation itself. She had been working all day and had no food in her system. “To anyone in particular?” Matt looked at her strangely and slowly took in a deep breath.

“Ness, would you marry me?” he asked, holding out a tiny box that appeared out of nowhere.

Ness dropped her cutlery on the plate loudly, causing the fancily dressed patrons in the restaurant to eye at their table with distaste.

“I can get down on my knees if you want,” said Matt anxiously, misinterpreting Ness’ reaction and was preparing to get up when Ness quickly stopped him.

“No wait, Matt,” Ness looked at him, obviously confused. “I thought we’ve broken up a few weeks ago.”

Now it was Matt who looked confused.

“I thought you weren’t serious. I mean, the next day we went out together; you still regularly hang out at my place, have dinner together… In fact, things were pretty much the same as it used to.”

“Because I was taking the ‘but we can still be friends’ part literally? I mean, we’ve been friends long before we even had a relationship. We were just doing stuff that we’ve always been doing since we’ve met.”

“I never understood why we ‘broke up’ in the first place. We are so right for each other! We’re comfortable with each other; we understand each other… I love you, you love me. Honestly I cannot think of a reason of us Not being together.” At Matt’s words, Ness sighed.

“I don’t know. I always had the feeling that us being an item isn’t Right. I can’t help feeling I’m holding back and that’s not fair to you.”

“Nonsense. I never felt anything like that, and even if what you’re saying is true, I don’t think I’d mind as long you’re with me. In every relationship one side always has to give more.” Matt reasoned, placing Ness’ hand on the jewelry box.

“Anyway, you don’t have to give me an answer straight away. We still have plenty of time. Now since everything is obviously not according to plan,” he continued with a somewhat weary smile, “the only thing I ask from you tonight is to promise that you will at least consider getting back together.”

Insisting that she needed some time to clear up her head and think things over, Matt and Ness parted quickly after dinner. Ness walked slowly back to the bar and attempted to recover from her shock. She and Matt have been together for such a long time that she thought he would have got over her in no time. Probably would even seize the opportunity to see someone else.

It wasn’t because she didn’t trust Matt; it’s just that someone better always comes by sooner or later. But now out of nowhere, Matt has marriage in mind. She knew that she would be happy with Matt, but somehow, something was holding her back.

*******

“Hey Joe,” Ness said as she sat at the bar table. She swiftly scanned through the room, pleased to know the place was equally packed during night and day. “I think your crowd is getting bigger and bigger.”

“Then I’ll have to convince Chris that we need a larger place,” laughed Joe, handing Ness her usual drink. “You say that every night.”

“You said it as if I have no social life other than to hang out with you and your groupies.”

“I’m not one to state the obvious.” Joe smirked as he dodged Ness’ punch. “Anyway, there’s just this measly number of three.” He gave a tiny wave and smiled at the three young women who were sitting together at a table and kept looking at Ness and Joe’s direction rather indiscreetly.

“Three’s a crowd… Besides, I’m pretty sure there are others here for your music.” said Ness soothingly, “And you know if you play your own music and actually Sing…” Joe raised a hand to stop her.

“Say no more. If I feel like singing, I will. But until then, I will not sing in front of a bunch of unforgiving audience.”

“If you say so,” said Ness with a shrug. She heard it all before. “But it’s hard to understand how a person with your size of an ego can be so shy and insecure when it comes to something you’re actually good at.” Joe raised an eyebrow. Ness looked at the trios and suddenly felt she couldn’t face the music tonight.

“You know what, I feel exhausted. See you after your gig?”

“Sure. You okay?” asked Joe, looking concerned. Ness nodded as Joe patted her on the shoulder and left to prepare for his regular song-request piano playing.

Ness finished her drink in a gulp and headed up to the apartment just a storey up of the same building. She knew Chris all her life and they have been living together with Joe ever since college. It was actually Chris’ place to begin with. When Chris knew Ness was looking for a place to stay after her parents separated, she offered Ness a room. Soon after that, Joe suddenly showed up at Chris’ door one night, being kicked out by their wealthy parents because of some big disagreement, and demanded for a place to stay from his little sister.

Later on, Ness and Chris realized that they both wanted to start a café and Joe wanted a regular income, which his music couldn’t bring. So being Joe, who have obviously been saving up, bought the space downstairs and let the two of them start a café and him a bar. The business has been so far successful enough that they could afford hiring help to make their work less hectic and stressful.

Just a month ago Chris decided to take a break and travel around, leaving Ness and Joe to tend the café/bar. However, whenever asked for the date she planned to come back to work, the only actual answer was “until further notice”.

“You’re still up?” asked Joe when he saw Ness in the living room, lying on the couch with her legs hanging on its arm, and was staring at the ceiling. He sat next to her, leaned and rested his head on the back of the couch.

“Yeah…” Ness closed her eyes and half sighed. “I’m thinking about the possibilities of getting married.”

“Okay.” There was a pause. “Erm, to anyone in particular?”

“’Would you marry me?’” Joe froze but recovered quickly.

“Wait, did Matt propose? Weren’t things over between you guys?”

“I thought so too but apparently Matt didn’t. Right now he just wants us to be back together. He has said a lot of things tonight that got me thinking about stuff…”

“I see… So you’re considering?” Ness let out another small sigh.

“I am, but I’m also considering other options as well.”

“That’s good; very mature of you.” After that none of them spoke. They just sat there, each occupied with their own thoughts until Ness broke the silence.

“Joe?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember back in college when I said I was in love with you?”

“Yea, and before I could even react or say anything, you immediately said it might not be a good idea to act on it because you didn’t want the eventual break up to affect us being friends and many other reasons. All you wanted was to tell me so you can get it out of your system. Talk about romantic.” Ness laughed.

“Well we didn’t know each other really well back then and there’s that factor of you getting bored with people easily. Anyway, I was thinking about me not giving my everything into relationships. Tonight I have this brainwave that perhaps it’s because I have unfinished business and it gets to me unconsciously. I also think I should give Matt and me one more chance.”

“So your point is?” Ness paused for a moment, thinking how she should word it concisely…

“Do you want to go out with me?”

Joe immediately sat up and eyed Ness with disbelief.

“Ness, are you trying to tell me that because you want to go steady with Matt, you want me out of your system before that happens?” he said, almost astonished. Ness nodded slowly as she was carefully taking in his words.

“That’s pretty much the idea. I know it’s extremely selfish of me but I don’t think you would mind that much. Consider it as an ego boost because I Actually Need to get over you before going serious in a relationship.” She said half jokingly, but even during midsentence, she felt increasingly timid and there was this odd feeling she couldn’t really name going on in her.

“First, Ness, what you’re proposing is really an ego deflation. You want us to have actual closure so you can be with another guy? Come on! And second, this is the most unromantic thing I’ve ever heard from you. A new low I’ve never thought possible. You have absolutely no romantic bone inside you…”

“Okay okay, I get the picture! Forget the whole thing.” Ness said furiously, and suspected she was beginning to blush. She started to get up to leave the physical embarrassment behind but Joe suddenly stopped her.

“All right. I don’t know exactly why I’m agreeing to this but I’ll do it if it means so much to you…”

“Really?” Ness asked unbelievingly and he answered with a nod. “Thank you so much Joe; finally I can get some sleep! Good night.” Ness said gratefully and went to her room, leaving Joe shaking his head. Thank you? He thought.

**********

“… And what I want is, to give myself a chance…”

“So I guess what you’re trying to say is that for all these years you’ve been secretly in love with him but didn’t know?” asked Chris, looking skeptical on the screen.

“No I don’t really think so. ‘Love’ is such a strong word. It’s just that I knew I was always attracted to him, but doesn’t everyone?” Ness replied wryly. “It’s because I was unexpectedly being proposed to, the question ‘am I absolute ready to get married’ slammed me. It was at that moment I started digging and realized it’s been Joe all along who’s been stopping me from having a full relationship with Matt.”

“Okay, so you’re trying to get over my brother once and for all.” Chris thought for a moment then had a conclusion. ”Joe’s right. You’re so not romantic.” Ness glared at her. Chris pretended not to notice and continued.

“Don’t get me wrong; I think it’s very good to give yourself and Joe a chance. But speaking as a friend, I must warn you that Joe can be a real jerk at times. I’m his sister; I’d know. Anyway just keep me updated.”

“Sure… speaking of which, when are you coming back? I’ve handled the café on my own long enough.” said Ness, trying to pull out a stern face. As if on cue, Chris’ image began to shake vigorously as if she was in an earthquake.

“What? I can’t hear you! Hello? I think the connection has gone bad. Sorry Ness, I guess we’ll have to talk later. See ya!” with one last shake of her web cam, Chris disappeared. Ness rolled her eyes and went downstairs “to work my arse off” she muttered with a smile.