English and Accents…

 

I checked my IELTS results online yesterday and it turned out ok. I’m not doing this “I’m pretending to be nonchalant about it but really I’m secretly ecstatic inside” act and I don’t want to act ungrateful, which I’m certainly not… but I guess because I know I could have done better right after I finished the papers (I was depending on doing really really well because it is my attempt to make up for my poor performance in school); I thought that after I know the results I’ll stop beating myself up but surprisingly it made things worse. It was like A-Levels again: I don’t really know what I expect, didn’t really know how to judge if I’ve done well or not. People tell me I did pretty well (I got 8 out of 9), but somehow I don’t really feel so. But I know I should be happy (me thinking), so I’m just waiting for my senses to catch up (me feeling).

 

Trying to be sensible (but way too stubborn to let go), I searched for statistics online just to find out last year, for all the universities in Hong Kong, the average overall score was ranging from slightly able 6 to slightly below 7. By academic discipline the range is the same. Frankly I expected more from HKU and CU. I talked to a friend about it and she said Hong Kong people in general don’t have very good English. She mentioned that she heard a HKU scholar speaking in a very strong Hong Kong accent and it didn’t seem/sound right.

 

While having no problem in reading listening and writing, I avoid speaking in English when I was young. My father hating my voice and accent didn’t really help things either. He had me and my brothers read books out loud and we have to use our Diaphragm, we have to have Intonations, we have to Breathe; he had us… (oh this is literally opening a can of worms and I should wait for a better time, i.e. a bad day, then all I need is to recap and immediately nothing seems so bad anymore). Anyway his many ways of telling me I was terrible includes “You sound like a chicken screeching” (I hope it wasn’t a pun, because if it was this is seriously sick…) or “you speak as if you don’t know English” or “you speak like a Hong Kong student”. I remember mentioning the last remark to my class teacher in F.2, and he said something along the lines “why should your accent be such a big deal? As long as you can speak in English it should be enough”. (Ironically my accent changed drastically after my dad wanted to have nothing to do with me @@)

 

I could understand why my father was so frantic about us speaking not like Chinese, because he thinks that no one would take you seriously if you don’t speak like people from an English speaking country. Considering harsh reality and that my father has spend considerably many years there, I could understand and honestly I don’t doubt if that were all true. I remember going to this one week English debate workshop just before university, and I overheard a girl from an international school saying “yea so everyone can do an American accent. If people could they would all be talking in an English accent” (she was speaking in perfect English English…). I was disgusted but didn’t know why.

 

Now with everything, it got me thinking and I have to ask: why is it so important to speak like Americans or the British? Supposedly accents shows where a person came from, or went through. So why do we have to hide that? Why do we have to pretend to be someone else on purpose? Does the French rid their strong accent when they speak in English? Have you ever heard of Americans trying to speak Cantonese or Mandarin in a Chinese accent? I don’t think it’s a problem when you’re trying to learn a language by imitating a native speaker and in the process you changed your accent. However, doing it simply for the objective to appear superior among peers, to hide who you really are or where you’re from is sad.

 

I still don’t want to particularly sound like some random Hong Kong student because they do tend to speak in English as if it were just another version of Cantonese or that they were in physical pain. Most of the people I know have (I think) good English because they sound natural enough (or at least that’s what I think when they are giving presentations). I didn’t work or “fine-tuned” my accent so I can sound like an American or British (if that were true then I’m doing a terrible job, haha). According to some friends, I don’t have a Chinese accent (don’t really know if I had one to begin with…), but I am not (I hope I’m not) trying to hide who I am, or where I’m from (which is a whole different problem).

A person you admire (and other stuff).

I love you guys but I love my sleep too and it’s always hard for me to choose between the two.

 

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So it’s finally March, and I’m starting to get rejection e-mails and letters. The thing is I never really expect to land that summer internship, or get a place in SAIC… I know that the rejection is nothing personal, just that competition is really stiff… but it still stings. Sentences automatically pop up into my head while I read on: “We Don’t Want You!” “You’re No Good!” “You Suck!!” “We Hate You!” and then inside my head I’ll be looking up the sky, shouting “NO!!!!!! NONONONONO!!!!!!….. wait, is that Superman?”

 

I have a way with losing focus…

 

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I spent the whole day in the central library, trying to catch up with my management accounting course… the last time I went there to study was for A-Levels, doing pure math all day… so I did manage to go though most of my notes in between my feeble attempts to stay awake, but I stayed conscious while working on the questions ^^ (oddly proud of that)… actually I used to like working, the time I had to sat in Pacific Coffee for nine hours straight doing math wasn’t bad at all (hmm I like math more than I thought @@), but this just isn’t it. But it really is time be mature. I should really force myself to do more school work.

 

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I went to two sessions of the regular IELTS workshop in school (don’t go). There was this oral practice where we were asked to talk for two minutes on a certain subject. There were only two people in my group; me and another girl (year 1 if I remember correctly). Our topic was to speak about a well known person that we admire and explain why we admire him/her. I couldn’t come up with someone interesting, all I had was Newton (because he was trying out alchemy as he thought it would make him closer to being the equivalent of God @@) Leonardo Da Vinci (because he knows mirror writing, the egg drawing story, and that he’s a genius in almost everything), Pablo Picasso (because it would be fun to say he has seven wives and countless mistresses), Mother Teresa (just because she is Mother Teresa @@)… end up with Albert Einstein (because he was once thought to be stupid, but in the end he’s proven them so wrong ^^). While I was thinking how typical my answer was, I was shocked by this other girl’s answer: Miriam Yeung, a local singer.

 

I was shocked because the thought of choosing a celebrity never crossed my mind, let alone a local singer. I was scared even. This is a girl, 19, going to HKU, supposedly to be the best local university and only the brightest of minds are here (actually three years there has proved this perception to be seriously wrong, but it surprises me still). I have nothing against local singers… just that they really aren’t very good @@. I was appalled by her explanation of why she admired her: she loves her songs, she’s pretty, famous, also an actress, and she also does charity work. After she finished it was my turn… and it was just weird. The contrast… I was also kind of disgusted while the TA commented on our monologue; she told the girl that she’s a big fan of Miriam too… (but then I might be bias because I was not impressed by the TA. She has worse English than I do, and she’s a TA in the English Centre… it’s not unreasonable for me to expect more from her… sigh).

 

I don’t think liking a celebrity is shallow (but I have a hard time respecting people who worship idols… or maybe is serious enough to join fan clubs for that matter…), but isn’t there a problem when asked who is the person you admire the most and you come up with a mediocre singer, and when asked for the reason, it’s… not the reasons you should admire a person for? Superficial even? I do like celebrities, like Christina Aguilera (powerful vocals), Julia Stiles (I just like hearing her speaking voice @@)… but I admire their talent, not as an individual…  

 

I couldn’t come up with a well-known person that I admire because there really isn’t such a person. Talented people are everywhere. Some get lucky and become famous for their talent. But you have to really get to know someone in order to find something that deserves to be admired. Being admired for who you are is probably the highest compliment you could get from someone else. I admire a lot of people, my mom, my friends… because I think they deserve it more than anyone who gets to be under the public eye for certain achievements.  

 

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Yesterday I talked to Tannessa about my “theories”. She said I should write. Dunno if she meant it, but I told her I was thinking about writing a memoir because I want to see myself from another perspective… but I don’t think I could make a justifiable portray of people… and I might end up hurting them.

 

 

 

To Be Inspired

Last week I got a call from the faculty office to ask me to participate in a causal discussion to give some feedback on an English course I took last semester. I would have to go to school on purpose, talk for an hour with no gain on my side (ah, the ugly HK person in me @@). I couldn’t believe myself but I actually agreed to go, only because the course sucked so badly and I feel it deserves to be put into justice. Unintentionally, I got something back from the discussion (other than the bottle of water @@).

Elsie (I presumed her name is spelt this way) is a new professor who had a position in UST (University of Stress and Tension, the name says it all) but is now going to be the head coordinator of business communication courses (i.e. English) in HKU. She said several things which made me think.

First she mentioned that considering the high tuition fees our parents have to pay, every hour we have in school is extremely expensive and the course should at no means be “a waste of time” (that was my comment for her regarding the course). So I guess from now on I have to think twice before skipping class @@. Second was that she said this is probably our last English course ever (that hit me hard). Then she said most of us probably won’t continue our studies after our bachelor degree and we will go straight to working our arse off until we’re 65 (*WHAM! Punch on the stomach*).

The ultimate message that killed me was her words: university courses should be Inspiring (*WHAM x 3!!!! fell flat on the floor*). I finally knew why I didn’t really like my university life. I expected University to inspire me.

Inspiring in the sense of being a better person; or giving you the thirsty for knowledge and wisdom; to be creative and be original; develop self-esteem and equip skills; have dreams and believe in yourself that you can accomplish anything; or at least make great friends with teachers or peers… and I’m not getting anything like that from school right now. The reason I still want to get another degree (or go for masters @@) is to get a taste of what University should truly be like; to be inspired by great people who help shaped our world, so we in turn might do something for the world too. Call me naïve but I truly believe if you really want to, you can have an impact to the world, albeit a small one.

Okay, so what should I do again?

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Went to Kayi’s (Candy) place with Barbie (Carol) and Janette to have dinner and play mah jok till 2 AM….

 

Finally

One hectic week has passed by, thank God.

 

People have been asking me how dare I put this link on my MSN name for everyone to see.

Well, that’s because if I don’t want people to actually read carefully (or even actually read it) I’ll write in English. I mean, if you don’t know how my life works on, you really have no interest in reading a large paragraph in English, right? Rather, even if you know how Jennifer’s life works, you won’t want to read English in your leisure time.

Oh well, that’s not your loss.