Random thoughts

It slowly dawned to me that it’s not “art” exactly, but “expressions” that I love… somehow I think it’s because I express myself so poorly in normal life.

 

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It was literally pouring on Sunday night when I walked back home after class but it was such fun walking in heavy rain. In fact I laughed at one point because I tried walking with my head up and in a leisurely pace as if there were no rain at all, and I had to constantly wipe water off my face in order to see the roads. Meanwhile everyone around me, with or without umbrellas, was rushing to the nearest shelter (why rush when you’re already wet? You might as well enjoy the rain.). Then when I got back home people were mortified by how soaking wet I was, as if I jumped in a pool with all my clothes on. What did they expect from someone who didn’t bring an umbrella @@?

 

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After a month away, preferences and habits of mine have changed. One apparent example would be the dance classes I go to. Before I went to Siu May’s class because I wanted to try something new (and to get in the touch with the feminine side of me, though she has tuned down the sexiness and sassiness rather drastically). Now I go to two of her classes; I’m trying out this new hip hop class taught by Allen To… and gradually stopped going to the other ones that I used to go. I found myself picking up choreography faster (though still slow… sigh), being more sensitive to the beat and stuff… because I was completely focused. The last time I remembered being completely focused on the stuff I was doing was working on ceramics (three years ago) and I missed that feeling… Yesterday, during Yiu’s jazz funk class I was genuinely shocked when I could remember the whole routine because every now and then the steps were so similar it was so easy to get mixed up (especially when I didn’t really like the style or the music…); I still had to rush from one pose/step from another, couldn’t care for the details when the music was played… but to get the general flow down by heart was good enough for now. So everything is going well… except it wasn’t what I quite expected it to be.

 

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I don’t think I’m lost or confused anymore… I know what things I want, what I like; it’s just that I don’t know how much I want something or how long it would take to get me bored.

Visit to a good friend’s exhibition

On Wednesday morning Cass and I went to Chinese University to support and see So Ling’s first solo exhibition “曼昧兒 – far too close”. It’s been such a long time since I’ve went to an exhibition and this is the first that I personally know the artist.

 

The name 曼昧兒 came out as a shock for me and Cass; we weren’t exactly sure how the second word is pronounced, but if it is pronounced the same way we think it is, it has the same pronunciation of our much respected class teacher’s name: Man Mei Yi @@. It was shocking because I never thought she inspired So Ling so much that she would dedicate her exhibition to her. Afterwards I saw that most of her subjects were people: her mom, Obama…etc. Huh?

 

So Ling aka Zon, is the first person out of our high school year to have her own Solo Exhibition. Therefore this exhibition has stirred up much interest from lots of old classmates and friends when she sent invitations on Facebook. Three years in a Fine arts programme has changed her style profoundly. It changed from fun colourful visual excitement (more on the “graphics design” side and as Cass said, Pop Art) to subtle, soft feeling-based portray of her subjects (which is really “fine art”).

 

After the exhibition we’ve got some time in our hands so we headed for lunch. I told Cass while looking at So Ling’s work, it dawned to me that I don’t really know how should a person judge an art piece. What distinguishes good work from mediocre ones? I know what I look in art: Composition, use of colour, skills and techniques, sense of space and perspective, focal point, the message behind, the feelings it evokes… etc. But could you use such technical approach to judge art? Isn’t Art a very subjective subject? How and when do you become an “Artist”? I’m still very confused…

 

Then I met So Ling in Admiralty. The last time we saw each other was graduation so there was an awful lot of catching up to do. I told her that I’ve applied for art school. She was so very happy for me ^^. She is also thinking about doing a masters programme in Fine Arts in France @@. She finally explained to me that “曼昧兒” (pronounced as Man Mui Yi. Turns out Cass and I were wrong.) means “Memory”. The whole set of work were a big step for her, because she’s trying to develop a more romantic feeling in her work and she has always avoided drawing human subjects when we were still in high school. Funny thing is that originally it was “曼味兒” instead (which is exactly the same as “Man Mei Yi”) but there was a typo. Anyway it still works fine ^^.

 

That night in msn, she told me I’ve changed. According to her I am “full of sunshine” now ^^. I mentioned some of the major things that has happened in the last two years… maybe “full of sunshine” would be an exaggeration, but she reminded me where I was just two years ago and I’m just very grateful that things generally work out for me eventually.

So lately in dancing…

I’m beginning to realize it’s not time that I have; it’s the unwillingness to face work, the temptation of procrastinating.

 

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First it was just one carton; now it’s two cartons of chocolate milk at a time. Not only it does nothing it keep me warm (I’m drinking it cold), it’s also pretty expensive, when you know at the newly renovated Park N Shop in school, a can of cream soda only costs $2.9 and that chocolate milk costs $5.1… So time for me to go cold turkey…

 

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I wonder if it was because of the song (Usher’s “What’s a man to do”), I had such a good time in Bo’s hip hop today. Today, first time ever did I not care how I executed the choreography; I just enjoyed the music ^^~. I should keep on with this attitude really; so what if I suck? It’s just a hobby and I shouldn’t constantly think “I should do better” and stuff @@. But then that’s the way I am (I can do better/I’m not good enough… etc.)… and it’s natural to want to do better in something you like. I’m just kind of happy that the idea of me not good enough no longer bothers me (in the context of dancing).

 

I originally thought after AP I would start taking more classes again. Despite being restless, I lost the desire (or I’m just plain lazy) to go to the ones that I’ve missed since November / December. Now that Leung and Siu May has left for NYC and wouldn’t come back till mid February, I’d be only going to Yiu’s Jazz Funk on Wednesday and Bo’s Hip Hop on Saturday… and probably Friday’s class too until February cos it appears that Bo isn’t going to teach Pop Jazz anymore.

 

After the frequent egging from Jojo’s part, I’ve finally tried out the other studio in CWB. Maybe it’s the change of environment, or because no one knows me there, I felt a lot more comfortable and relaxed. Even though I could barely remember half of the routine and I messed up rather obviously @@, I still had a good time. I guess it’s time for me to train my memory… I kept going to classes that I didn’t really need to make an effort to remember the steps (or maybe I just got used to the instructor’s style)… So I guess 2009 really is the year of change ^^.

 

Either it’s been a long time since I properly danced or classes have been a lot more vigorous lately because my whole body is unusually sore, especially my back… wait a minute… @@!!!?!?!?!? Oh my god am I Old ?!?!

 

Honestly I’m in love with the song… I’m still waiting myself to get tired of it from my infinite replays ^.~.

Again, random thinking… and oh 新年快樂 everyone~

Honestly, that picture we took freaked me out.

It was not suppose to come out like that.

 

At least not with anyone I could think of right now.

Please do not take it in the wrong way.

 

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去年最後幾刻竟然再次和IDS一起.

倒數的最後幾分鐘就在火車上靜靜的度過 (和 Hannah 通話中).

那幾分鐘, 我真的不知道我希望和誰一起度過.

 

今天很安靜呢, 在 Shatin Town Hall 的那個 dance room,

我又做了自閉妹, 在最小的角落個聽歌, 看書, 看人.

(還是我一直都是自閉的????)

我還是沒辦法, 亦無意思變成 inside & outside的跳舞人, 對吧.

As much as I’m friends with her, I Will Not and Do Not want to become Jojo.

I am who I Am, and I like Me, as myself.

If I had a choice, I would still choose to be Me.

It’s not of stubbornness that makes me not want to change;

I just do not want to turn into someone or something that I do not even like or would not respect.

If being myself stops me from getting far, even in dancing,

Well, let it be; whatever will be, will be.

 

Funny thing, the person who gave me that particular advice would never have thought I would see it in this perspective.

 

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AP 分兩日, 第一天我的媽媽來看,

第二天就有 Apple, Hannah 和Tannessa.

正式看過我表演的而且屬於我另一個世界的, 就只有她們了.

 

Joey 安排了卡和花給Bo.

我本來是想寫中文的,

但有時中文 express 不到我想說的話 (As above).

 

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Lately I’ve understood more on what characteristics I dislike from people in general, especially men.

 

And if I spot those characteristics I won’t give those people a chance; I don’t want to know them; I block them from myself, my life Entirely.

 

I can be really obvious if I dislike a person, which scares me sometimes, because I can be so cruel, evil and even shallow.